How to Educate Your Child at Home
I was six years old fending for my life in a preschool in Midtown. I was good with numbers; that’s what my teachers kept drumming into my parents’ heads. But they were too busy with their own egos. So I took a deep interest in the current global economical and political climate. I gathered my research material from the television in the security booth of our building. All other televisions showed cartoons full of propaganda about to how to live our lives. At least the news channels were reporting real events. Biased reporting, of course, but I was old enough to see through that.
I gained access to the both by bribing Jeff, the security guard, with a doughnut when I could. We had a steady supply of doughnuts in the play room. But you either had to cry really hard or steal one. It was the currency of the time so the teachers could buy a few gossip minutes to discuss their boyfriends. Crying was not my thing so I had cut a deal with a naturally talented crier. Martin was five, loved crying, didn’t like sweets, and liked my dad’s painkillers. Stealing the pills from home was child’s play after my parents had passed out.
So I had a steady supply of painkillers, hence doughnuts, hence research time in front of the television. I found the news far more stimulating than brightly colored giraffes being pulled apart by children until some of kids start to cry. Or the serious parts of preschool when the teachers sat us about with the look on their faces as if they’ve been crying for the past seven hours. Then they would ask, do you remember when you destroyed the giraffe and Jenny got upset and slapped Martin across the face. Do you remember that!? Yes we do, the class would answer in sync. Have your parents ever done that to you at home? Would be the next question. Followed by a graveyard silence. Well if they ever do be sure to call 911. They would flash a giant board with the numbers on it. I felt protected from my parents so I could drive them as crazy as I pleased, discipline free, life was good.
This really gave me peace of mind to do research. The most obvious thing I noticed was America’s foreign policy. Not only did I watch the news, but also read between the lines. If America saw thag a country had oil they would tap it on the back and congratulate it. Then suggest to sell that oil rich nation some second hand Russian guns, on discount, to protect the new found treasures. Then wait a few years, call then terrorists, bomb their capital, take control of the government, and therefore the oil for American companies exploit it.
If your country had diamonds, they would sell you second hand Russian guns on discount so you can start a civil war. While everyone is counting the dead bodies littering the streets, we would quietly buy the goods from the rebels for pennies on the dollar. If that doesn’t work, jusy start an epidemic of Ebola.
But these methods are become transparent after a few runs. So America has been far more creative in recent years. In order to keep everyone on the edge of their seats and justify policing the world it had taken over as the puppeteer of North Korea. North Korea is nothing but an empty shell of communism long emptied of brain and central rule. America saw in that a unique opportunity to exploit its relatively well functioning system to create a distraction when needed. Special agents of native origin were trained for years then carefully placed to seemingly rule the poor nation. They controlled the marionette – the well fed ruling kin. When the world needed a scare North Korea’s fictionous nuclear program made the news.
It worked so well that the Americans started leasing the model for PR campaigns to businesses. The most notable example was the supposed Sony hack and threats. In order to promote a silly comedy that would have done average in the box office. After the North Korean threats people that have never seen a film heard about ‘The Interview.’ Profits skyrocketed and America took a hefty commission.
The news are fun, even for a six-year old.
I can’t wait to get to elementary school and really understand the world.
more by MILEN VASILEV
photograph by Rolands Lakis