Zedlist – Part Sixteen
Alex sat waiting in the front room, what he was waiting for hadn’t been made entirely clear. Kevin had been upstairs all day, but had asked him to be in. At seven thirty, almost to the dot, there was a ring on the doorbell. Before Alex had a chance to answer it, Kevin came tumbling down the stairs and rushed to the front door. Kevin walked into the front room with a middle aged, scruffy looking man and a winter breeze trailing behind him.
“This is Tim. Tim – Alex” Kevin said, introducing the two.
“Wussup”, Alex said with a smile.
“Please take a seat, I won’t be a minute”, Kevin said running back up the stairs, tripping up the last two steps and crashing head first into the landing wall.
“I’ve heard all about you, man”, Alex said.
“Do you mind if you turn that off?” Tim said gesturing towards the T.V. with his hand, almost blue with the cold.
“No problem, man”, Alex said.
Kevin came back down the stairs with a laptop in a carry case, a flip chart and a box of pens.
After making hot drinks for them all, Kevin got down to business.
“Right”, Kevin announced, “I have been devising a plan. “The first thing to establish is our final objective.”
“Final objective for what?” Alex asked, looking confused.
“The objective for our mission”, Kevin said.
“If you would just give me a moment to get my words out, then I will explain… God.”
“Okay!” Alex responded.
“Right, our final objective is to stop the demon from controlling our world. We need to start by what we know about this demon”, Kevin said, revealing the first page of the large pad on the clipboard stand.
In bold Red Marker pen there was the following list:
• Needs us to function in our world.
• Feeds on vanity of humans.
• Can inhabit any of us.
• Uses media attention to gain control.
• Is killing off those it cannot fully control.
• Anyone who has any kind of public profile is under high level of risk.
Tim squinted at this for a few seconds, padded himself down, Columbo style, and produced an old pair of spectacles. He put them on and they sat crooked on the bridge of his nose, one bushy eyebrow protruding over the battered looking frame.
Kevin read the list out to Tim and Alex.
“Of course”, he continued, “this is all just supposition at this point, but it is all we have to go on”.
“I am chuffed you’re including me in your little plan”, Alex said, “but I’m afraid that I don’t really believe in this whole demonic possession thing”.
“Too much T.V. disrupting your brain frequencies and inhibiting the effectiveness of your pineal gland, what is referred to in Egyptian mythology as the third eye. Do you use fluoride toothpaste?” Tim interjected.
“That’s what I’m talkin about. I have absolutely no idea what he just said. I don’t think I am the right person for all this.”
“Look”, Kevin said, “we’re both very involved in this whole idea. We need someone who can keep their feet on the ground, plus I know you and trust you, just don’t pull any shit like you did with that van. I appreciate your dynamism, God knows, it’s something I need more of at times, but we are going to have to be careful.”
Kevin took this opportunity to fill Tim in on the black van.
“They are onto you already”, Tim said, “that didn’t take long”.
“Who’s they?” Kevin asked.
“Government. Media. Demon. All of the above?” Tim said, “Take your pick”.
“Look. It’s cool you thought of me, but why would I do it. I mean if someone doesn’t believe in God they don’t go to church do they”, Alex thought for a few seconds, “Well okay, some people do, but you know what I mean, man.”
“You watch Jackass all the time”, Kevin said.
“What’s that got to do with…” –
“And that other thing with Ashden Kuchter…” Kevin said.
“ One thing”, Tim jumped in, “can we please not use celebrity names out loud? It gives the demon more power over them”.
“Yes, of course, sorry, I should have…”
“Punked.” Alex exclaimed.
“Yes. Punked.” Kevin said, adding ‘Do not say a celebrity’s name out loud.’ to the list.
“My point is that you appreciate a good practical joke, right?”.
“Totally. Once we put a firework on the bottom of Alan’s long-board, it was funny as fuck, we put it on YouTube”, Alex said.
“Just think of this as the biggest prank you have ever been involved with.” Kevin said. “Anyway, you don’t have to decide right now, all I’m asking you is to hear me out.”
“That I can do.” Alex said, with a smile.
Kevin clicked on the laptop and pulled up Amy’s message to him, passing the laptop to Alex and Tim on the sofa. “This”, Kevin said in a definite tone, “is our starting point”.
“This is most interesting”, Tim said as he read the message on the screen, “The daughter of Colin Reed.”
“I know him. That feller from the radio”, Alex said, “Proper dick.”
“Exactly. I hadn’t heard any of his shows until I received this message, but I’ve just been listening to him. He is very popular apparently. His daughter is obviously very worried about him. I’ve been messaging her today online and she’s worried that the demon may have attempted to possess him. She wants to do everything she can to help us fight this demon”, Kevin said.
“Say this Colin guy did get possessed, so what, he’s a dick anyway”, Alex said.
“It’s more than about this single case, it’s about the bigger picture”, Kevin said.
“So what are we going to do?” Tim asked. He had been very patient up to now, but it was clear from his face that he was ready to burst with the excitement and enthusiasm Kevin had witnessed in St. Leonards.
Photograph by Arden