Struggle

Struggle

How do I make a dollar out of fifteen cents?
I need that dollar to pay the rent.
Everyday I go to work and it’s a struggle.
I have mouths to feed and bills to pay.
I’ve got a shut off notice from Mr. Con Ed today,
telling me I’m three months behind, delinquent I stay.
So many times I just want to run away.
Why can’t my landlord…
just give me a break?
My boss is at my neck…
for every little mistake.

Is there room for me to have a fighting chance?
Is there room for me to have a little romance?
To escape this hostile, confined, misery.
Unsettling circumstances always surrounding me.
Here, I struggle… trying to survive,
getting by… off a 9 to 5.
Some say, ‘live a life of cheap thrills,’
and ‘such big dreams you have’… do they want me to fail?
Flying upside down on a broken trail.
Here, within my struggle…
I stand in a home that’s cold.
There’s a hole within my ceiling,
covered with thick plastic and duct tape.
Outside the wind howls, I feel the cold chill.
Looking around, all I see is a broken will.

Here, within my struggle…
I fight everyday, trying to reach something,
I’m not sure I’ll ever make.
Will I live up to the expectations…
be inspired to dream so great?
Or will I end up like many others…
trapped, alone and afraid?
I know there’s no one helping… but me.
I’m looking for a paradise…
though a mirage is all I see.
My failures, faults, disposition and lack of faith.
Wait a minute, wait a minute… I don’t lack faith.
Through the darkness there’s light…
straight ahead, if I just wait.

These struggles are real…
just as real as yours.
When I look around,
all I see are broken walls.
Dirt at the corners…
chipped is the paint.
Scramming children…
wanting the dinner I made.
Where is my savior?
For I know he is above.
Always sending me down some much needed love.

The wind howls, knocking at the windowpane.
Blowing the plastic…
on the window frame.
Here, in the struggle,
and every struggle I defeat.
When I reflect back…
I’m reminded of the lessons I’ve repeat.
Meaningless could this all be?
Carrying my hardship like a cross that I bare…
would anyone mind to hold this baggage,
I’ll share?
For hardship made me stronger…
And this strength is my own…
dedicated to my life’s journey,
for I’m suffering within this reality alone.
Though I wonder, has it all been in vain…

Or, will these struggles,
take me to a better tomorrow,
baring forth change!

more by GOLDIE D. LOPEZ

Photograph by Timothy Krause

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